Toaster Pastry Addiction

Toaster pastries have become an iconic symbol in the American culture.  Dare I say, they rate right up there with baseball, hot dogs, and apple pie.  Little did I know as a kid in 1964 that I would become a toaster pastry addict as an adult.  Back then we mostly ate cold cereal with milk.  Toaster pastries were considered a luxurious treat back then.  But as time went by the pace of my life picked up and I didn’t have enough hours in the days.  One way to save time was to grab a toaster pastry and go.

This was win – win!  I made efficient use of my time and I had a delicious breakfast.  At first I just ate the fruit filled pastries.  Just one strawberry pastry was all I needed, and I was good to go. But, after awhile I needed two toaster pastries to get the same high. Then the food suppliers upped the ante.  They started to frost the toaster pastries.  At first I had the strength to say no. But eventually I broke and transitioned to a new sugar high by eating frosted toaster pastries.

For awhile I told myself all was well.  I wasn’t addicted, just a couple in the morning and I was satisfied But eventually the draw became too much.  I had to have toaster pastries as a “snack”.  Why not, they were introducing new flavors all the time and who was I to turn them down. Heck they even gave me coupons to buy more.

As I got older a terrible thing happened. I began to gain weight.  I tried everything, new diets, exercise, yoga…  But the weight wouldn’t come off.  Then one day I realized that maybe my toaster pastry addiction was catching up with me.  Maybe I needed to cut back. But how?  By this point in my life toaster pastries were everywhere I went. I’d stop to buy gas and they’d be sitting right by the cash register calling my name.  I would look for a healthy snack at work in the vending machine and all I saw was the shiny package of toaster pastries looking at me. Heck, they even had them at the park when I went to a ball game.

Folks, toaster pastry addiction is serious but there is no help.  Try asking your doctor for a patch to stop craving toaster pastries.  Don’t get hurt feelings if he laughs at you.  Look for a toaster pastry support group.  I haven’t found any in my neighborhood. Check the internet, they have cures for every other addiction on earth except toaster pastry addiction.  I was left with no choice, I went cold turkey.

I haven’t eaten one in months. That doesn’t mean I don’t what one though.  I window shop for toaster pastries, but tell myself no.  I stalk co-workers, watching them eat toaster pastries.  I even sit close to family member when they are eating a toaster pastry so I can enjoy the aroma.  The addiction is real and it will never cease.

Just pray that I never snap one day and go on a toaster pastry rampage